When we were first looking into inclusive college programs for Sebastian, many of the DIII schools I spoke to told me he was ineligible to compete because NCAA regulations did not allow for non-matriculated students. As a special needs parent, I know that in order to be an effective advocate, I can’t solely rely on what others tell me. It is my job to come to the table fully educated and with a firm grasp on my son’s rights. I was genuinely curious to find out if this eligibility issue really stemmed from the NCAA or the individual colleges. That central curiosity led me to research the NCAA regulations and connected me to Dee Sapp.

I met Dee in a Facebook group. She was also seeking a waiver for her son Lawrence, who is an accomplished swimmer and Paralympian. You can read more about him on his website. 

Like Sebastian, Lawrence dreamed of competing at the collegiate level. I am thrilled to say that Lawrence is currently a student in the Succeed program at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, a DII school, and will be competing on the men’s swim team this year. While both Sebastian and Lawrence are fulfilling their dreams of becoming collegiate athletes, their journeys to getting there were very different.

When Lawrence first looked into college programs, he was actively recruited by DI and DII programs, but as soon as they found out he was applying to non-degree, inclusive programs within their colleges, he was repeatedly told he was not eligible to compete. Like me, Dee did her own research.

I called the NCAA several times and spoke to a different person each time. Each one of them looked at my son’s profile and confirmed that he was eligible to swim at the DI, DII, and DIII levels. The decision would be up to each coach, just like with any other student, on whether to recruit him for the team. I emailed and spoke with several coaches who told me that he wasn’t eligible to compete because of the specific program that he was enrolling in at each college. Even though I communicated with them what was told to me by the NCAA, they held firm on their beliefs that he was ineligible.

In fact, Lawrence started his college career at a different school and was denied the opportunity to compete for their swim team. Dee explained,

We had several staff members and high-level administration at his first college advocating for him to be considered to at least try out for the team, and that too was an epic fail. This experience was humiliating and demoralizing for him. He knew that he was just as good (sometimes better) than athletes that were being recruited and he couldn’t understand why they didn’t want him. He thought that he had to get faster to be on the team until I put a halt to that and told him that he was already good enough. I told him that some teams (coaches) just aren’t a good fit for him and we’d keep searching until we found the right fit.

He trained every day by himself at a collegiate pool alongside the college swim team. He wanted to make the team traveling to Tokyo in 2020 (delayed until 2021) and he was without a coach or team. People who had swum with him or competed against him (in USA swimming) couldn’t believe that he wasn’t swimming in college. It was embarrassing and truly highlighted potential exclusionary practices and tactics used by coaches to keep athletes with disabilities off of their teams. 

One of my hopes in securing Sebastian’s waiver was to pry open the door for other student athletes in inclusive college programs, so I was thrilled that our story helped Dee advocate for Lawrence. She shared,

I knew that our situations were closely aligned, so when the story came out that Sebastian had secured a waiver to run with his college, I KNEW it would work for Lawrence too. When I read your story, I decided that I was no longer going to accept the excuse that he wasn’t eligible. If they didn’t want him on their team, they were going to have to tell it to me straight and not hide behind the ineligibility excuse. 

When we visited his current school, it was a complete 180 in terms of experience. The coach had already communicated with the compliance officer at the school and had her present at our first meeting. She had already pulled Lawrence’s information and only wanted to confirm how many years of eligibility he had left. She was already knowledgeable about the waiver process, and I didn’t have to explain anything! She made it seem like it was no big deal. It was a breath of fresh air to meet a team of people who already knew what to do and were willing to do it.

I could feel the relief Dee experienced. She admitted,

The most frustrating part of the journey was the gaslighting. People trying to convince you that you don’t see and hear things that you definitely see and hear. You’d think that coaches would jump at the chance to have a coachable athlete with both potential and drive, but that’s not the game for many coaches. I was frustrated by the number of people who could have helped us but chose to just stand by and watch. I was frustrated by the number of people who should have spoken up for Lawrence but chose to try to convince him to accept less than what he both deserved and wanted. 

I want parents to know that advocacy is hard. Advocacy is lonely. Advocacy can hurt. It’s worth it when you’re successful. Not only does it help your loved one, but it cracks the door for the next person, then the next, and so forth. Advocacy is bigger than the task in front of you, and tenacity is how you get the job done. 

Lawrence wants people to know that he deserves all the patience and love that is offered to people without impairments. He wants people to know that he too has much to offer and wants opportunities for love, friendship, and independence. 

Lawrence, the De Simone family wishes you a joyful year at your new school. We are tremendous fans and look forward to all you will accomplish in the future.

Congratulations!

Photo Credit: Dee Sapp